I recently moved to another city. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I don't mean the decision to move, or the packing (although they both were tough). What nearly did me in were the goodbyes.
I never thought it would be easy leaving good friends and colleagues. Still, I was unprepared for the many lunches and dinners where my friends and I cried -- and for the look on my best friend's face at my going-away party.
I didn't make the process easy. I dreaded leaving so much that I avoided telling people the actual date of my move. I became adept at diverting conversations to other topics. I picked a fight with a friend over, well, nothing at all, simply because it was easier to be mad than sad.
My friends, for their part, offered up reason after reason why moving would harm my career and love life. I still get at least one email a day asking when I plan to 'come home.'
People often underestimate how hard it is to adjust when an in-person relationship suddenly becomes long-distance. 'It leaves a big hole your life,' says Jill Kristal, a clinical psychologist in Larchmont, N.Y., whose business, Transitional Learning Curves, helps guide people through the emotional process of moving.
We may think Facebook and other social-networking sites, not to mention texting and Skype, will keep us close. But can a few sentences, or a photo or two, really take the place of seeing a friend in person?
Dr. Kristal remembers preparing to leave Boston years ago and how she picked a fight with her roommates -- over a carrot peeler. This type of arguing is a natural way to mask the pain of separation, she says. Anger, which is directed outward, can be empowering; sadness is internal. 'If you stay with anger, you don't have to deal with the sense of loss,' she says.
For 26 years, David Eddy, a 63-year-old software salesman in Boston, has regretted how he said goodbye -- or, rather, failed to say goodbye -- to a roommate. As he was leaving, Mr. Eddy shut his bedroom door and watched out the window as the taxi drove away. 'I never said goodbye to him since I didn't want to lose him,' says Mr. Eddy. 'I still kick myself for being such a dork.'
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好好說再見
不久前我搬到另一個城市。那是我經歷過的最艱難的事情之一。我說的艱難並不是決定搬家或是打包的過程（雖然這兩者確實也充滿艱辛），真正讓我難過的是一次次的告別。
我從未覺得離開好朋友、好同事會是輕而易舉的事情。不過我還是沒有料到會有這麼多的午餐和晚餐聚會，朋友們和我在其間都忍不住流淚了，而對於最好的朋友在我的告別派對上的神情，我也毫無準備。
我沒能讓整個過程輕鬆度過。我極其害怕離開，以至於不肯告訴別人具體的搬家日期。我開始老練地轉移話題。我甚至還跟一個朋友吵了一架，原因是，嗯，沒有任何原因，只是因為表現憤怒比展示悲傷要來得容易。
另一方面，我的朋友們不厭其煩地羅列搬家會有損我的事業和愛情生活的一條條理由。到如今我仍然會每天收到一封電子郵件，問我打算什麼時候'回家'。
當面對面接觸的關系突然拉開很長距離，很多人都低估了其中的艱辛。紐約拉奇蒙特的臨床心理學家吉爾﹒克裡斯托(Jill Kristal)說，這樣會在你的生活中留下一個大洞。克裡斯托開設了一家名為'過渡學習曲線'(Transitional Learning Curves)的公司，幫助引導人們度過離鄉背井的情感波動過程。
我們或許會覺得，Facebook和其他社交網站能讓我們和朋友保持親密，更不用說還能發短信和在Skype上聊天。但幾句話、一兩張照片真能取代親自跟朋友見面的作用嗎？
克裡斯托回想起她多年前準備離開波士頓的情形，以及她如何為了一個胡蘿卜削皮器而跟室友吵了一架。她說，這種爭吵是掩蓋分離痛苦的自然方式。憤怒情緒是外在的，可能會佔據人的情緒；而傷感則是在內心深處。她說，如果你保持憤怒，就不必為失落感費神了。
63歲的大衛﹒埃迪(David Eddy)是波士頓的一名軟體銷售員，他26年來一直後悔自己向室友告別的方式，或者說是後悔未能向室友告別。室友離開時，埃迪關上了自己的房門，從窗邊看著計程車絕塵而去。埃迪說，我從未向他說過再見，因為我不想失去他。到如今一想到當時的蠢行，我都想踢自己一腳。
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------我沒能讓整個過程輕鬆度過。我極其害怕離開，以至於不肯告訴別人具體的搬家日期。我開始老練地轉移話題。我甚至還跟一個朋友吵了一架，原因是，嗯，沒有任何原因，只是因為表現憤怒比展示悲傷要來得容易。
另一方面，我的朋友們不厭其煩地羅列搬家會有損我的事業和愛情生活的一條條理由。到如今我仍然會每天收到一封電子郵件，問我打算什麼時候'回家'。
當面對面接觸的關系突然拉開很長距離，很多人都低估了其中的艱辛。紐約拉奇蒙特的臨床心理學家吉爾﹒克裡斯托(Jill Kristal)說，這樣會在你的生活中留下一個大洞。克裡斯托開設了一家名為'過渡學習曲線'(Transitional Learning Curves)的公司，幫助引導人們度過離鄉背井的情感波動過程。
我們或許會覺得，Facebook和其他社交網站能讓我們和朋友保持親密，更不用說還能發短信和在Skype上聊天。但幾句話、一兩張照片真能取代親自跟朋友見面的作用嗎？
克裡斯托回想起她多年前準備離開波士頓的情形，以及她如何為了一個胡蘿卜削皮器而跟室友吵了一架。她說，這種爭吵是掩蓋分離痛苦的自然方式。憤怒情緒是外在的，可能會佔據人的情緒；而傷感則是在內心深處。她說，如果你保持憤怒，就不必為失落感費神了。
63歲的大衛﹒埃迪(David Eddy)是波士頓的一名軟體銷售員，他26年來一直後悔自己向室友告別的方式，或者說是後悔未能向室友告別。室友離開時，埃迪關上了自己的房門，從窗邊看著計程車絕塵而去。埃迪說，我從未向他說過再見，因為我不想失去他。到如今一想到當時的蠢行，我都想踢自己一腳。
*nearly did me in--讓我難過
*became adept at--開始老練地
*nothing at all--沒有任何原因
*offered up reason after reason--羅列一條條理由
*not to mention+ving--更不用說
*picked a fight--吵了一架
*it was easier to be (NA) than (NB)--是因為表現(NA)比展示(NB)要來得容易
*'It leaves a big hole your life,' says Jill Kristal, a clinical psychologist in Larchmont, N.Y., whose business, Transitional Learning Curves, helps guide people through the emotional process of moving.
克裡斯托(Jill Kristal)說，這樣會在你的生活中留下一個大洞。克裡斯托開設了一家名為'過渡學習曲線'(Transitional Learning Curves)的公司，幫助引導人們度過離鄉背井的情感波動過程。
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